Home.

Hebrews 4:15-16 

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Tonight while I was getting ready for bed and washing my face in the communal bathroom on my floor (yay dorm life) I chatted with a friend. We aren’t that close but of course amiable. Small talking, I asked her what she did today and she replied she spent the day at home. In response she asked if I’ve had the chance to go home recently. Taking in a breath, I prepared myself for a long winded answer. “Well, no, my parents don’t live nearby. Actually, they live in Slovakia.” She gasped and beamed at me. “No way?! That’s amazing!” I beamed back at her because I adore my home country and I love when others get excited about it. We chatted for awhile about my life abroad when she said, “So, you must get homesick?” The words heavily sunk in my stomach. Homesick. Yes, I get homesick. I almost never let my homesickness reach the surface in daily life, but I yearn for home. I long for home. When I got back to my dorm room to pick up my reading again, which is due in the morning (ugh), I couldn’t focus. The words: a year and a half, a year and a half, a year and a half, kept repeating in my head. A year and a half will pass when I finally come home this upcoming December. As a freshman in college I want to use all the breath in my lungs to shout, “It’s not FAIR!” It’s not fair that I haven’t been home in almost a year while nearly all the girls on my floor go home every weekend. It’s not fair that I have to spend holidays away from my family. It’s not fair… the list could go on until I get extremely despondent as I wrap myself in a burrito of self-pity or I start to cry, both are not good options at this hour. But then, in the silence, I realized: it wasn’t fair for Jesus to leave Heaven and come to earth as a finite man was it? Oosh, God, You got me. Humility hit me like a wave. How could I say my life isn’t fair when Jesus did all he did for me? God didn’t stop there though. He nudged at my heart a little more, and said, “I understand.” If anyone could understand my homesickness it is Jesus. He left God in Heaven and came to earth as a helpless baby to be born in a manger within a stable. I am fairly certain that this stable contained a lot of smelly livestock poop. Not the most pleasant aroma if you have experienced catching a whiff.  Jesus left heaven, which is more glorious and beautiful than we can fathom, to enter into the world next to (please excuse the graphics) a pile of putrid poop. Talk about homesick. Jesus understands my feelings, because he’s experienced them and much more than my feelings. He’s a relatable God. I know I am also not alone in these feelings of longing for a distant place and people. Repeatedly, He will keep reminding me that He knows, He gets it. I will always be startled and amazed in response. I find peace and comfort from Him and also in the knowledge that I am not home yet, but I will be someday. That will be a glorious day. On that day I will sing with my brothers in sister in Christ and worship my Lord for eternity. No homesickness or pain exists there. But today, I can cry about being away from home, but also I can have hope for the future, and I know Jesus will always understand.

Praise be to God.

And now it’s time to go to sleep and pray I can get out of bed for my 8:30 class.

 

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